Ten days of isolation. Well, pretty much anyway.

Ever since grad classes ended, I've been practically alone. It's given me a lot of time to reflect on things. Mainly, that I need some serious mental help.

Sure, Abby stayed a few nights, and Aaron came for a few days, and Lindsay has called. Preferably for some reason, I want to be left alone.

I don't know what it is. There are some days when I am fine in my own right, then others where I would absolutely love to have something to live for other than my career.

Maybe that's just it. Maybe God is trying to tell me that I just need to get my feet planted squarely on some solid ground somewhere that isn't Oswego, and then my life can start.

I miss Jo. I miss her so much it breaks my heart. Still. I thought it would pass after two months, but the pain is still there. I go to sleep hoping and praying that the pillows next to me will be her the next night. And that someday she's just gonna walk up those stairs and turn the door handle to our apartment.

But there's a flaw in that dream. A huge flaw. She has always seen me, even in our relationship, as a friend. And that's what she wants back, her best friend.
I loved her, I want that back and not a friendship. So, does that make me a bad person?

I feel guilty every single day that I'm not able to take the friend out of girlfriend, and I wish that my puny excuse for a brain could realize that if I could do just that, I would at least have her back in my life.

But all I can think about it holding her again......

Maybe I should rename this blog, The Life of a Poor Excuse for a Person. Wouldn't that be poetic.


I feel as though I've accomplished more when I wear a bra for the entire day.

My cat is my best friend, he always seems to listen anyway.


I'm officially done with my first grad classes. I'll post how I did, not that anyone reads this...

I've always wanted to create a blog that is meaningful to someone. So that I can help people in their daily lives. 'Course, I've never been very good at telling the truth, so that's what I'm trying to do here. The boring old average truth.

Here's the truth. Right here. Honest cold hard truth.

A glass of wine while listening to sweet Regina Spektor's sultry voice is the perfect remedy for a broken heart.
She's just enough feist, just enough pain, and just enough beauty to close the holes in my heart.

"And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall"

I love Regina, and she's just so darn cute!

'till later after another bottle of wine! :D


Too bad I'm starting this so early this morning...

I woke up from an unexpected dream. Well, first of all my cat MC wouldn't leave me alone from the hours of 4AM to 7AM. So the sleep wasn't very good to begin with.

Jo was there, in front of me. She had searched me out. That's how I knew it wasn't real.
I then gunned down a bank in frustration, or maybe glory. Hard to tell.

"Fuck dreams"

I'm still shaking... Every time I used to wake up from a bad dream, she was there holding me, now it's only Benjamin. My teddy bear. Believe me he's good, but someone who cares is a lot better than a soft object. MC is no where to be found either. Unreliable that guy is...

Maybe I'll have something better later. Doubt it though. Today looks bleak.


Ok. Revelation.

Celebrities need friends right? People who are down to earth and chlll. Who won't freak out totally when like, Ellen Page walks into their living room. Honestly, I think all Lindsay Lohan needs is someone who is not totally CRAZY by her side to tell her not to do coke, and whatnot. That could be me!

Laurie : Friend of the stars.

Hah, well... IF this blog ever gets read. I'm down to be anyone's friend. God knows I could use some more of them...

Don't look at me like that! Celebrities are people too!!! They need love. If anyone knows of a celebrity in need of a solid friend, let me know.



It seems like a good day to come back... Sorry for the hiatus, life took a turn for the eccentric for a bit. I'm just starting to come back to average world, thankfully.