A return blog is coming soon from Eddie Krueger.
Key words: Coming Soon.
5.15.2011
I want someone to come and sweep me off of my feet... someone who would fight for me, fight with me, and love me through it all.
I want someone who sees what they have when they have it, not as an afterthought.
I want someone who will love me for me, laugh at my stupid jokes, make me laugh, and who wants to have fun.
I want someone who will be there for me, through thick and thin, and keep coming back.
I want someone who will love me forever, who isn't afraid that my heart is burst at the core, and who will take super glue and make sure every minuscule piece is found.
I want someone who will elevate me further in my quest for self-acceptance than ever before, and who will stay in my life to see me succeed.
I wrote that about two years ago when I was lonely and upset... I recently found it.
Now, I have someone who fits exactly these lines and more! Yay! :)
I want someone who sees what they have when they have it, not as an afterthought.
I want someone who will love me for me, laugh at my stupid jokes, make me laugh, and who wants to have fun.
I want someone who will be there for me, through thick and thin, and keep coming back.
I want someone who will love me forever, who isn't afraid that my heart is burst at the core, and who will take super glue and make sure every minuscule piece is found.
I want someone who will elevate me further in my quest for self-acceptance than ever before, and who will stay in my life to see me succeed.
I wrote that about two years ago when I was lonely and upset... I recently found it.
Now, I have someone who fits exactly these lines and more! Yay! :)
5.10.11
Wow, it HAS been a while....
Right now I am deep into my thesis research study, which is simply making me feel ultra smart. I am sitting on one more assignment for my last graduate class, which I have ultra procrastinated on. It was due on Friday. Hehe.
So, when I get out of this hell hole that is Oswego. I'll tell you some good stories....
Not that there's really anyone reading.
Peace, Love, and Derby
Right now I am deep into my thesis research study, which is simply making me feel ultra smart. I am sitting on one more assignment for my last graduate class, which I have ultra procrastinated on. It was due on Friday. Hehe.
So, when I get out of this hell hole that is Oswego. I'll tell you some good stories....
Not that there's really anyone reading.
Peace, Love, and Derby
4.3.11
Why are derby girls so damn cool?
We just had a scrimmage with the Utica Roller Girls, and they were some damn awesome ladies! Only two of them had any real experience, so we roughed 'em up a little bit! It's interesting, the world of roller derby... I've been in situations where girls come into our facility with a competitive attitude for a scrimmage, and they're just downright mean. On the other hand, the Enchanted Mountain girls and the Utica girls were both just so happy to be playing roller derby that they had a lot of fun with me on the track.
I'm that kind of derby girl who's simply there to have fun. Winning would be super cool, but it doesn't need to happen for me to have fun! I crack inappropriate jokes, grope my teammates, and am an all around smart ass before the whistle blows. While I play, I might take a few cracks at my teammates, meanwhile I congratulate the opponents for nice hits, or a good sweep.... during a scrimmage. Scrimmages are just another practice, you just get to hit new people! Yay! In bout situations, I'm one serious bitch. Loved goofing off with Short Temper from the Hellions though, in between jams of course! :)
*sigh* I just love roller derby! :)
We just had a scrimmage with the Utica Roller Girls, and they were some damn awesome ladies! Only two of them had any real experience, so we roughed 'em up a little bit! It's interesting, the world of roller derby... I've been in situations where girls come into our facility with a competitive attitude for a scrimmage, and they're just downright mean. On the other hand, the Enchanted Mountain girls and the Utica girls were both just so happy to be playing roller derby that they had a lot of fun with me on the track.
I'm that kind of derby girl who's simply there to have fun. Winning would be super cool, but it doesn't need to happen for me to have fun! I crack inappropriate jokes, grope my teammates, and am an all around smart ass before the whistle blows. While I play, I might take a few cracks at my teammates, meanwhile I congratulate the opponents for nice hits, or a good sweep.... during a scrimmage. Scrimmages are just another practice, you just get to hit new people! Yay! In bout situations, I'm one serious bitch. Loved goofing off with Short Temper from the Hellions though, in between jams of course! :)
*sigh* I just love roller derby! :)
3.31.2011
Goodbye March! Hello April!
This is make or break season for me...
Thesis writing 101 lesson: Uh, don't procrastinate.
Yeahhhhh, I effed that one up eh? Oh well. I can do it. I had an awesome meeting with my advisor this morning that pumped me up and got my intellectual juices going! Wow, that came out a lot dirtier than I expected it to... Anyway, I am totally gonna hunker down and get that crap done in the next two weeks! YES! Right now the score is Thesis: 1,000,000 Laurie: 2. But damn, I worked hard for those two points! :)
Anyway, I'm stoked for this coming weekend! Tonight is DD Thursday! Drinking and Derby! Friday night is cleaning the facility and then a movie night with my team! WARNING: Random debauchery may occur. Saturday night I'm heading to Albany to watch a double header derby bout! My amazing coach is in the men's bout, and then we're watching the Albany All Stars take on CNY Roller Derby. AND I'm totally looking forward to being star struck by the beautiful Ms. Lucy from Lucy in Da Sky With Diamonds! Sunday morning comes with a scrimmage with Utica Roller Girls, during which I am captain, so I'm totally stoked about that too!
Gah! I just want tomorrow night to get here already so I can have some fun! :) Roller derby is the ONLY sport that is as fun to watch as it is to participate in!!! Plus, I've NEVER seen men's roller derby... Seems kind of strange. I'm super proud to be part of a sport that was a women's sport first! :) Go ladies!
Alrighty, I need to do some serious thesis writing! Peace out!
This is make or break season for me...
Thesis writing 101 lesson: Uh, don't procrastinate.
Yeahhhhh, I effed that one up eh? Oh well. I can do it. I had an awesome meeting with my advisor this morning that pumped me up and got my intellectual juices going! Wow, that came out a lot dirtier than I expected it to... Anyway, I am totally gonna hunker down and get that crap done in the next two weeks! YES! Right now the score is Thesis: 1,000,000 Laurie: 2. But damn, I worked hard for those two points! :)
Anyway, I'm stoked for this coming weekend! Tonight is DD Thursday! Drinking and Derby! Friday night is cleaning the facility and then a movie night with my team! WARNING: Random debauchery may occur. Saturday night I'm heading to Albany to watch a double header derby bout! My amazing coach is in the men's bout, and then we're watching the Albany All Stars take on CNY Roller Derby. AND I'm totally looking forward to being star struck by the beautiful Ms. Lucy from Lucy in Da Sky With Diamonds! Sunday morning comes with a scrimmage with Utica Roller Girls, during which I am captain, so I'm totally stoked about that too!
Gah! I just want tomorrow night to get here already so I can have some fun! :) Roller derby is the ONLY sport that is as fun to watch as it is to participate in!!! Plus, I've NEVER seen men's roller derby... Seems kind of strange. I'm super proud to be part of a sport that was a women's sport first! :) Go ladies!
Alrighty, I need to do some serious thesis writing! Peace out!
3.29.2011
So... It's one month until my birthday. What are ya'll getting me? ;) Money or booze will suffice, I promise!
Seriously though... Woah, when did the time fly by? It was September just the other day, I swear! I got a call from another school today wanting to book an interview. 2 out of 3 ain't bad... But, it's not the school I wanted, nor is it anywhere near where I want to be, so I'm gonna call and say thanks but no thanks. I really don't want to relocate to Vermont. Pretty state, shitty economy. Nice people though! :)
Well, my last post was for the Derby Girls blog, of which I am now officially a contributing writer! Yay! My first real audience! Not that you guys and gals aren't great, but you're probably sick of me at this point, or at least you don't let on to it anyway. Also, I'm not entirely sure anyone wants to hear about my "average" life anymore... I'm also not talking so much about how un-average my life is. It's definitely picked up since my last dating excursion, but I really don't talk about that on here. I basically blog about derby, and that's that. I will try to get out of the "derby" box for my next post. I promise!
Weirdest thing I found this week... If you Google "life 10.9" One of my blog posts from October is the third or fourth one down. Weird right?!
Peace, love, and averageness!
Seriously though... Woah, when did the time fly by? It was September just the other day, I swear! I got a call from another school today wanting to book an interview. 2 out of 3 ain't bad... But, it's not the school I wanted, nor is it anywhere near where I want to be, so I'm gonna call and say thanks but no thanks. I really don't want to relocate to Vermont. Pretty state, shitty economy. Nice people though! :)
Well, my last post was for the Derby Girls blog, of which I am now officially a contributing writer! Yay! My first real audience! Not that you guys and gals aren't great, but you're probably sick of me at this point, or at least you don't let on to it anyway. Also, I'm not entirely sure anyone wants to hear about my "average" life anymore... I'm also not talking so much about how un-average my life is. It's definitely picked up since my last dating excursion, but I really don't talk about that on here. I basically blog about derby, and that's that. I will try to get out of the "derby" box for my next post. I promise!
Weirdest thing I found this week... If you Google "life 10.9" One of my blog posts from October is the third or fourth one down. Weird right?!
Peace, love, and averageness!
3.25.2011
I joined the Oz Roller Girls, a newly formed roller derby league in central NY, late in September 2010. I joined because I wanted another athletic challenge in my life, another adventure before I was in the "real world." I initially thought that this was going to be a seven month long venture, and just that. What I didn't realize was that I would fall madly in love with everything about this sport and its community. Roller derby has changed my life with such a magnitude, it's absolutely crazy. Let me tell you briefly about it, yeah?
How roller derby has changed my life...
- I have met the most wonderful people through roller derby.
If you're on a derby team, you know exactly what I mean. The women on my team have fully evolved from simply teammates to being my big sisters. Not only do we spend about nine hours a week together on the track, but we hit the gym about five hours a week, hold bi-weekly movie nights, have team bonding activities, and when I'm upset about something, I know I have thirty women that I trust to talk about things with. They are my family, my strength, and I never ever expected that out of this sport. Even though I'm moving on in May to my next adventure, these women will always have a place in my heart.
- I can now walk in high heels correctly and confidently.
I am not a girly-girl. If you were to look up "tom boy" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me. I basically wore jeans and a sweatshirt throughout high school with my hair in a ponytail. Even though my fashion sense is as good as the eyesight of a tranquilized elephant, I have a secret love for heels. I love the way heels make me feel when I wear them! Before roller derby, I loved standing in them, but I couldn't walk in them at all! Now, because of all that toe stop walking and running, I can confidently walk in my heels! :)
- My self-confidence has skyrocketed.
Remember my tom-boy comment? Well, before I met these wonderful women, I didn't think I was remotely pretty. I'm sure every 22 year old thinks the same thing though. These women have showed me just how beautiful I am. Plus, after you knock someone up off of their skates, how can you not think you're awesome?
- Useful life skills.
Even though there is a strict "no drama" policy in my league, we all know how women get when they are close together. I've learned a valuable lesson about how to avoid drama at any cost, and about confrontation skills, honesty, and fairness. I've also learned quite a bit about how a league works, the business aspect of things, and how to work effectively with people. My skills with words have also gotten immensely better. The beautiful thing about derby is that it's a melting pot of people with different creeds, colors, orientations, beliefs, and politics. That means that everyone can be offended by anything, so it's a great practice in eloquence of words. I'm damn good at it too. :)
- My future plans...
After joining a roller derby league, I won't be part of another team sport again. The camaraderie of the team, the brutality of the sport, and the support of the underground derby community is just amazing. If you have any doubts about joining a roller derby team, get the heck over it and just do it. It will be the best decision you EVER make. This is something that I cannot not do now. I need to be part of this until I can't move. I will skate until I can't hit anymore, then ref until I can't skate anymore, and then NSO until I can't stand! This sport and its community is amazing, and I have been looking for leagues to join near where I am applying for jobs. I'm that serious about it. My dream is to play for Charm City Roller Girls of Baltimore, MD, but I haven't heard back from the schools I applied to there yet. (And right after I wrote this, I got a call from a school in Baltimore to set up an interview! YES!)
The biggest thing I've learned is that I've figured out who I am. While I'm only Eddie Krueger on the roller derby track, I am Laurie Edwards in every other situation. Roller derby has given me the strength to find a direction for my life, and the knowledge of knowing I have the support system to do whatever it is I wanted. If I decided I was going to stick around Oswego to find a job here, I would have thirty places to stay. If I simply needed to talk on the phone when I get down to MD for financial advice, I could call Certified Public Assassin because she's an accountant and I'm sure she'd help me out. If I just needed to talk something out, I could call my Derby Wife Hot Donna twenty years from now, and she still wouldn't judge me. Roller derby will forever be changing my life, and I will let it as long as it's for the best. I'm so ready for my next adventure, and believe me, roller derby will forever be a part of my life.
How roller derby has changed my life...
- I have met the most wonderful people through roller derby.
If you're on a derby team, you know exactly what I mean. The women on my team have fully evolved from simply teammates to being my big sisters. Not only do we spend about nine hours a week together on the track, but we hit the gym about five hours a week, hold bi-weekly movie nights, have team bonding activities, and when I'm upset about something, I know I have thirty women that I trust to talk about things with. They are my family, my strength, and I never ever expected that out of this sport. Even though I'm moving on in May to my next adventure, these women will always have a place in my heart.
- I can now walk in high heels correctly and confidently.
I am not a girly-girl. If you were to look up "tom boy" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me. I basically wore jeans and a sweatshirt throughout high school with my hair in a ponytail. Even though my fashion sense is as good as the eyesight of a tranquilized elephant, I have a secret love for heels. I love the way heels make me feel when I wear them! Before roller derby, I loved standing in them, but I couldn't walk in them at all! Now, because of all that toe stop walking and running, I can confidently walk in my heels! :)
- My self-confidence has skyrocketed.
Remember my tom-boy comment? Well, before I met these wonderful women, I didn't think I was remotely pretty. I'm sure every 22 year old thinks the same thing though. These women have showed me just how beautiful I am. Plus, after you knock someone up off of their skates, how can you not think you're awesome?
- Useful life skills.
Even though there is a strict "no drama" policy in my league, we all know how women get when they are close together. I've learned a valuable lesson about how to avoid drama at any cost, and about confrontation skills, honesty, and fairness. I've also learned quite a bit about how a league works, the business aspect of things, and how to work effectively with people. My skills with words have also gotten immensely better. The beautiful thing about derby is that it's a melting pot of people with different creeds, colors, orientations, beliefs, and politics. That means that everyone can be offended by anything, so it's a great practice in eloquence of words. I'm damn good at it too. :)
- My future plans...
After joining a roller derby league, I won't be part of another team sport again. The camaraderie of the team, the brutality of the sport, and the support of the underground derby community is just amazing. If you have any doubts about joining a roller derby team, get the heck over it and just do it. It will be the best decision you EVER make. This is something that I cannot not do now. I need to be part of this until I can't move. I will skate until I can't hit anymore, then ref until I can't skate anymore, and then NSO until I can't stand! This sport and its community is amazing, and I have been looking for leagues to join near where I am applying for jobs. I'm that serious about it. My dream is to play for Charm City Roller Girls of Baltimore, MD, but I haven't heard back from the schools I applied to there yet. (And right after I wrote this, I got a call from a school in Baltimore to set up an interview! YES!)
The biggest thing I've learned is that I've figured out who I am. While I'm only Eddie Krueger on the roller derby track, I am Laurie Edwards in every other situation. Roller derby has given me the strength to find a direction for my life, and the knowledge of knowing I have the support system to do whatever it is I wanted. If I decided I was going to stick around Oswego to find a job here, I would have thirty places to stay. If I simply needed to talk on the phone when I get down to MD for financial advice, I could call Certified Public Assassin because she's an accountant and I'm sure she'd help me out. If I just needed to talk something out, I could call my Derby Wife Hot Donna twenty years from now, and she still wouldn't judge me. Roller derby will forever be changing my life, and I will let it as long as it's for the best. I'm so ready for my next adventure, and believe me, roller derby will forever be a part of my life.
3.24.2011
Don't push your luck today... It won't work with me.
One of the beautiful things about life is that it's a constant roller coaster. The good days come with the bad, and the horrible comes with the amazing... You can't expect to have an amazing, breathtaking experience without also having one that breaks your heart into a million pieces.
This morning I was up before dawn and I experienced an amazing sunrise. Of course this came after a huge blowout fight the night before, while the stress is continually raining down from a thundercloud above my head.
I'm going to hit the gym today again to let out this rage because going to PF frankly makes me feel better about myself. I look like an absolutely gorgeous person next to the soccer moms who go there after dropping their kids off at practice. My legs look chiseled, my tummy looks flat, and I just look prettier than the Oswegonian who walked in after finishing her cigarette at the door. Yeah.
Well, when I figure out what else I want to vent about. I'll put it down into words....
'Till then.
One of the beautiful things about life is that it's a constant roller coaster. The good days come with the bad, and the horrible comes with the amazing... You can't expect to have an amazing, breathtaking experience without also having one that breaks your heart into a million pieces.
This morning I was up before dawn and I experienced an amazing sunrise. Of course this came after a huge blowout fight the night before, while the stress is continually raining down from a thundercloud above my head.
I'm going to hit the gym today again to let out this rage because going to PF frankly makes me feel better about myself. I look like an absolutely gorgeous person next to the soccer moms who go there after dropping their kids off at practice. My legs look chiseled, my tummy looks flat, and I just look prettier than the Oswegonian who walked in after finishing her cigarette at the door. Yeah.
Well, when I figure out what else I want to vent about. I'll put it down into words....
'Till then.
3.22.2011
Why did God create crappy ass days?
Like seriously dude... Did You really need to make it so that we have these ranges of emotion coursing through our bodies? Emotion effing sucks. I'm in a rotten ass mood today, and it's Tuesday, which is my new favorite day.
Gah. Motherfucker.
Ok, I feel a tid bit better now......
Like seriously dude... Did You really need to make it so that we have these ranges of emotion coursing through our bodies? Emotion effing sucks. I'm in a rotten ass mood today, and it's Tuesday, which is my new favorite day.
Gah. Motherfucker.
Ok, I feel a tid bit better now......
3.10.2011
I used to be Catholic, anyone else remember those days?
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. The time where Catholics repent by giving up something as a small sacrifice to God before He kills off His Son Jesus for us. When I was an actual practicing Catholic (and not the Easter and Christmas kind either), I used to give up everything from chewing gum to reading Cosmo. Little, insignificant things that I really could have gone without. Then, when I was a Freshman in college, I gave up coffee.
Sounds like nothing right? Well, let me tell you something about caffeine withdrawal. It fucking sucks. Because I was living on campus, I had a full meal plan, which meant unlimited meals, which meant... unlimited coffee. I went from drinking about five cups a day, to zilch. The headaches were unbelievable, and they lasted for two weeks. I don't usually have migraines, but boy do I know what they feel like now.
After this experience, I decided that Lent wasn't really safe. This wasn't what changed my perspective on religion, it was decided the day I realized the Catholic church hated lesbians, but it did solidify my opinion that Catholicism is really about feeling guilty.
The following is solely the opinion of Eddie:
If there is a God, they don't want us to be unhappy! They want us to fight for what we believe in and be happy with what we have achieved. Let's stop this "they" crap too... God is definitely a woman. A man does not have the sense of detail a woman has, and therefore Earth is definitely created by a woman, or a blast of cosmic energy. I'm still working that one out. Doesn't matter where we come from in this instance, we are here. So let's be happy about it! We don't need to repent our existence because we can't do anything about that! We don't choose how we come into this world, or who we will be when do. We make choices based on a set of morals and values that are just common sense, not God's word (which is written by mankind anyway). We love who we love, not because we choose it, because you cannot help who you fall in love with or when you do it. If we could control our emotions we would be automatons, and this existence would be futile.
Woah, ok... That is quite enough for now. Religion gets me all hot and bothered, and not in the good way. I'll get off my soapbox and let you people get on with your day.
Have a good one. Don't forget to repent! ;)
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. The time where Catholics repent by giving up something as a small sacrifice to God before He kills off His Son Jesus for us. When I was an actual practicing Catholic (and not the Easter and Christmas kind either), I used to give up everything from chewing gum to reading Cosmo. Little, insignificant things that I really could have gone without. Then, when I was a Freshman in college, I gave up coffee.
Sounds like nothing right? Well, let me tell you something about caffeine withdrawal. It fucking sucks. Because I was living on campus, I had a full meal plan, which meant unlimited meals, which meant... unlimited coffee. I went from drinking about five cups a day, to zilch. The headaches were unbelievable, and they lasted for two weeks. I don't usually have migraines, but boy do I know what they feel like now.
After this experience, I decided that Lent wasn't really safe. This wasn't what changed my perspective on religion, it was decided the day I realized the Catholic church hated lesbians, but it did solidify my opinion that Catholicism is really about feeling guilty.
The following is solely the opinion of Eddie:
If there is a God, they don't want us to be unhappy! They want us to fight for what we believe in and be happy with what we have achieved. Let's stop this "they" crap too... God is definitely a woman. A man does not have the sense of detail a woman has, and therefore Earth is definitely created by a woman, or a blast of cosmic energy. I'm still working that one out. Doesn't matter where we come from in this instance, we are here. So let's be happy about it! We don't need to repent our existence because we can't do anything about that! We don't choose how we come into this world, or who we will be when do. We make choices based on a set of morals and values that are just common sense, not God's word (which is written by mankind anyway). We love who we love, not because we choose it, because you cannot help who you fall in love with or when you do it. If we could control our emotions we would be automatons, and this existence would be futile.
Woah, ok... That is quite enough for now. Religion gets me all hot and bothered, and not in the good way. I'll get off my soapbox and let you people get on with your day.
Have a good one. Don't forget to repent! ;)
3.7.11
Every time I sit down and stare into this blank box of blog despair, I always want to start my posts off with "ROLLER DERBY!!!!!!!" It's not my fault really.... Derby is a full time job with great benefits and high job satisfaction. I think everybody involved in the sport knows what I'm talking about. Lots of derby girls put in their two sense on the topic, like Mathundra Storm from Hellions of Troy last week. I think it's time to list off what my reasons for loving this wonderful sport are....
1) Derby Camaraderie.
I'm talking about sisterhood, bitches. Never in a million years would I had joined a sorority in college. Catty girls getting drunk and making out are not really my style, but derby is essentially a sorority. This isn't a team by team thing either, it's a derby girl thing. Sure, the women on my team are like my big and little sisters now, and that's super awesome but I'm talking about meeting other derby girls... When derby girls get together, every single one of us knows how it feels to get knocked off of our skates, getting the wind knocked out of us, seeing stars, and then how it feels to get right back up and hit that bitch back. I think it's the thing that bonds us together. We show off our battle scars, relive our greatest moments, and yeah sometimes we make out. We don't need greek letters on our chest, secret handshakes (we should look into one though), or dark, devious secret ceremonies to identify ourselves as derby girls. We just know.
2) The Sport
Uhhhh, where the hell else are women going to knock the shit out of other women in high fashion? Cat fighting? Doubtful. In all seriousness, the sport is fantastic. There's high-speeds, checking and blocking, collisions, pile-ups, drafting, hard training, and strategy. Geez, that started to sound a bit like car racing for a second... The training is intense for this sport, and if you're not keepin' up, you're falling back. Roller derby hurts. It hurts your body and your mind. Physically, this is the most demanding sport I've been a part of, and I've been around the "sport block." You learn how much your body can take when you play derby. Just last night we had a free skate night and one of my teammates popped her knee out of its socket. She simply popped it back in place, grabbed an ice pack, and a half hour later she was back on her skates. What a tough bitch. I would have been crying for my daddy in the ambulance if that ever happened to me.
3) Self-Realization
Ask any derby girl who she was before she joined derby, and I guarantee you she will tell you she can't remember. Derby changes women, mostly for the better I think. For me, I became comfortable in my skin. I felt totally accepted for the first time in my life. That for me, is the biggest thing. Many of my friends are straight, with the smattering of lesbian and gay acquaintances and friends. The fact that these women let me open up to them, and let me be the real me, has meant the entire world to me. I have become aware that I am actually good-looking. I know, it seems like a strange self-realization, and it's not because I'm surrounded by ugly people, it really is because finally someone is telling me. I have also become aware of the fact that I am truly an athlete. For someone who has never quad-skated to pick up a pair of skates and in three weeks pass level testing and have their first scrimmage, that's a big fucking deal. Derby has given me confidence. Derby has allowed me to explore myself deeper and walk away a better person.
...I know there's more, but my time is short for today. Thesis action needs to happen!
'Till next time, folks.
3.3.2011
Right now, I am totally thinking about re-naming this blog.
An "average" life was something I had in June when I started this silly little thing. Actually the is that I was drunk for most of June, July, and August... So you should probably not waste your time in looking back at those posts. Even in September my life was unsettlingly ordinary. October is when everything changed... In October, I joined roller derby, and that has changed my "average" life into one of the extraordinary.
I now have a "Batman-esque" daily life... Living as a student during the day, and turning into a kick-ass derby girl at night. I am not only any graduate student, in terms of my department, but I am a thesis student. Foolishly, I may add. On top of those things I am in the most confusing, unsettling, strange situation of a relationship any person has ever been in... It's seriously the thing they make movies out of. I might actually write one about it someday, come to think of it. While it is all of those things, I am the happiest and most settled I have ever been in my entire life.
Since October, I have really become the young woman I was meant to be. I'm an asshole who will get in your face. I'm shy and quiet at times. I'm smart and quick witted. I can debate many things, especially the state of technology education. I sound like I know when I am talking about, even though I may not know anything about it. I can knock someone right off their skates. I am physically strong and my soul is on fire with passion and enthusiasm. I am nothing short of amazing, and I damn well know it now.
I'm not sure who to thank more for this... Me, or roller derby. If I hadn't gotten out of my last relationship when I did, I would have never become who I needed to be. If I hadn't joined roller derby, I would probably be distraught, angry, and fat by now. I met the love of my life, and I've never been happier.
Just thought I would have a moment of narcissism..... Ok, now I'm back to normal. Sorry for the interruption.
An "average" life was something I had in June when I started this silly little thing. Actually the is that I was drunk for most of June, July, and August... So you should probably not waste your time in looking back at those posts. Even in September my life was unsettlingly ordinary. October is when everything changed... In October, I joined roller derby, and that has changed my "average" life into one of the extraordinary.
I now have a "Batman-esque" daily life... Living as a student during the day, and turning into a kick-ass derby girl at night. I am not only any graduate student, in terms of my department, but I am a thesis student. Foolishly, I may add. On top of those things I am in the most confusing, unsettling, strange situation of a relationship any person has ever been in... It's seriously the thing they make movies out of. I might actually write one about it someday, come to think of it. While it is all of those things, I am the happiest and most settled I have ever been in my entire life.
Since October, I have really become the young woman I was meant to be. I'm an asshole who will get in your face. I'm shy and quiet at times. I'm smart and quick witted. I can debate many things, especially the state of technology education. I sound like I know when I am talking about, even though I may not know anything about it. I can knock someone right off their skates. I am physically strong and my soul is on fire with passion and enthusiasm. I am nothing short of amazing, and I damn well know it now.
I'm not sure who to thank more for this... Me, or roller derby. If I hadn't gotten out of my last relationship when I did, I would have never become who I needed to be. If I hadn't joined roller derby, I would probably be distraught, angry, and fat by now. I met the love of my life, and I've never been happier.
Just thought I would have a moment of narcissism..... Ok, now I'm back to normal. Sorry for the interruption.
2.16.2011
Thank goodness for roller derby.
I have a bad temper. It's a beautiful send-off my birthmother gave me from birth. My temper breaks, I am very liable to break things. I've broken a blackboard, furniture, my hand once... You get the gist. These days, I am able to keep my temper in check, because of these two beautiful words: roller derby.
The ability I have to harness my anger into a can opener, is phenomenal. Three practices a week, and I am happy and free as a bird. Zero anger, but lots of pain. My outbreaks haven't taken a toll on me for a while now, but my body hates the pain that I inflict on it playing derby to try to hinder my temper. Derby is a rough sport. In fact, it fucking hurts. It's not even the other team half the time that cause the bruises on my body. I had a wicked bruise and a cut from a teammate (my jammer) taking a hip-whip off of me. My body hates roller derby, but my heart and mind absolutely love it.
I used to have to watch which conversations I engage in, and on which days. Mondays were terrible. Any conversation, even about bunnies, would spike my blood pressure on Mondays. Now, I welcome Mondays with a morning trip to the gym to feed my need for physicality. I love my new-found freedom from my temper. It was holding me hostage, and I hated every second of it. Now, with derby, I can unleash all my temper in a constructive manner. Finally.
I have a bad temper. It's a beautiful send-off my birthmother gave me from birth. My temper breaks, I am very liable to break things. I've broken a blackboard, furniture, my hand once... You get the gist. These days, I am able to keep my temper in check, because of these two beautiful words: roller derby.
The ability I have to harness my anger into a can opener, is phenomenal. Three practices a week, and I am happy and free as a bird. Zero anger, but lots of pain. My outbreaks haven't taken a toll on me for a while now, but my body hates the pain that I inflict on it playing derby to try to hinder my temper. Derby is a rough sport. In fact, it fucking hurts. It's not even the other team half the time that cause the bruises on my body. I had a wicked bruise and a cut from a teammate (my jammer) taking a hip-whip off of me. My body hates roller derby, but my heart and mind absolutely love it.
I used to have to watch which conversations I engage in, and on which days. Mondays were terrible. Any conversation, even about bunnies, would spike my blood pressure on Mondays. Now, I welcome Mondays with a morning trip to the gym to feed my need for physicality. I love my new-found freedom from my temper. It was holding me hostage, and I hated every second of it. Now, with derby, I can unleash all my temper in a constructive manner. Finally.
2.14.2011
Someday I am going to look back at this day and say, "damn, you were a fool."
However... Today is not that day. Nor is tomorrow.
2.9.2011
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
This is a quote I found during my tumultuous first semester of my Junior year. The same semester where I broke up with a girlfriend, seduced a man then didn't bank, had a 38-hour long relationship, supposedly molested a girl in her sleep, and almost died on Halloween. During the waves of bad decision-making, vomit, tears, sweat, and anger I found that quote. I didn't fully understand the full nature of this quote until very recently when a whopper literally fell into my lap.
Imagine this scenario:
You've been single and consequently celibate for a little over a year. No one seems to be interested in either a one-night experience or a relationship. You begin to tell yourself that the next town you settle in, you'll find someone. You suddenly yourself constantly surrounded by cute couples and very attractive people. You're angry and horny all the time, and there is no relief from either of these feelings. Then, out of the blue, out of seemingly nowhere, something happens to you. A very attractive person begins telling you that you are perfect, surreal, beautiful, that you take their breath away. The flattery is amazing, but you're not sure why this is happening to you at the most inopportune time in your life. They are seemingly perfect, saying and doing everything right. This person calms you, knows you, and balances you out in every aspect of your life. They are sexy, flattering, gorgeous, smart, and everything you believe you deserve in a lover.
You're leaving this town soon... Going to make a new home for yourself in a different state. Do you accept this love even though you cannot cultivate and keep it? Do you accept this love, which is one you've deserved all of your life and one you've never received from another person?
I'm going to damn well try my best. :)
2.1.2011
I think I keep on posting 2010 in my subjects on here. I've had to go back and edit many of them...
This is the time of year that I absolutely hate.
T minus 13 days until utter humiliation... a.k.a. Valentine's day.
Here's the problem with it.
If you're not in a relationship, you're embarrassed, upset, and lonely.
If you're in a relationship there's like this expectation, and if you don't meet it you're embarrassed, mad at yourself, and destined to be lonely.
What the heck is with that?
To be continued....
1.25.11
Hello my little blog I had almost but forgotten about! This social networking stuff gets time consuming...
New derby topic to discuss: The Olympics?
Dude, I just found out this sport was in my area, and USA Roller Sports (USARS) is campaigning for a stage at the Olympics! There are many people in the derby-verse who probably disagree with campaign, and I don't blame them. Roller derby is a skater owned and operated business. It's basically a small business venture within itself when you start a league, from what I gather anyway from Flexi Wheeler's blog in the NY Times (read it here). Looking at my little hometown league, a lot of work goes into bout production, training, merchandise, and a lot of other things. It's successful because hometowns look highly upon something that is entrepreneurial, sort of like shopping at a farmer's market instead of Walmart. An amazingly accurate explanation of this local love is written by Matthew at Saratoga Sports here.
New derby topic to discuss: The Olympics?
Dude, I just found out this sport was in my area, and USA Roller Sports (USARS) is campaigning for a stage at the Olympics! There are many people in the derby-verse who probably disagree with campaign, and I don't blame them. Roller derby is a skater owned and operated business. It's basically a small business venture within itself when you start a league, from what I gather anyway from Flexi Wheeler's blog in the NY Times (read it here). Looking at my little hometown league, a lot of work goes into bout production, training, merchandise, and a lot of other things. It's successful because hometowns look highly upon something that is entrepreneurial, sort of like shopping at a farmer's market instead of Walmart. An amazingly accurate explanation of this local love is written by Matthew at Saratoga Sports here.
Would we lose that "local love" if we went to the Big Stage? This derby girl doesn't think so. It would add a whole level to our game that not many women get the chance to get in the first place. (Unless you were born with ice skates, skis, or cleats on your feet.) Personally, I have always had a dream to walk in the opening ceremonies into a grand stadium, lights flashing, music playing just waving to the small faces all around me. I couldn't do that if I was participating in any sport but roller derby. Think about it. Most of the leagues I have come in contact with are locally grown leagues. There are many leagues out there who are affiliated with the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), and are very competitive. On the flip side, there are leagues that excel at the sport but have a more social side. The heart of roller derby is split between these two instances.
The heart of derby lies in the showmanship of the bout, the entertainment factor that makes roller derby so gripping and exciting to watch! Can we still do that on a global scale? Heck yes we can. Here's another opinion:
"Roller derby is about the do it yourself ethos, a rebellion against convention… it’s about kicking someone’s ass, having fun doing it, and then enjoying each other’s company after the whole thing is done. It’s the punk rock of the sports world, explosive, different, and spectacular. It’s about fun, stomping on convention, acceptance of all people, and sticking it to what is accepted as “the norm.” That’s what makes roller derby truly what it is, that’s what makes it so amazing." ~Facebook Group Against Olympics for Roller Derby.
I agree! Here's more:
"Having it entered into The Olympics would destroy all this. It would make it mainstream at the expense of the soul of the sport itself. It would turn it into a corporate, mindless sport more about strict victory and mindless competition, rather than the diy attitude and the love of being on the track."
I think any derby girl knows that this has a possibility to happen, but the likeliness of this is not high. Will derby girls everywhere stand up to this? I know I would. Derby is about do it yourself showmanship, so let's make it that way.
Let's give women another avenue to their Olympic Dreams that's true to what roller derby is all about.
1.17.11
It's 4AM. I can't sleep. Three weeks until our first bout. One week until classes and work resume.
Gah. Back to work.
Gah. Back to work.
1.8.11
Four weeks until my first official roller derby bout.
I feel like I'm going to vomit.
This is unlike any other sport I've ever participated in, but in a good way. Unlike basketball or soccer, I give this my absolute all. You can't half-ass roller derby, because if you do you will be demolished. You can't sidle up to someone and expect them not to plow over you. You can't roll over to the other team and say "Hey, my back is killing me today, can you take it easy?" This is a sport where if the other team sees you have any type of athletic brace on to stabilize, say an ankle, they will target you over anyone else. If an opponent sees you're a little wisp of a girl, you will be hit hard.
I've never bouted, but if I was the opponent, and I saw you with an ankle brace on, or a scared look in your eye, I would demolish you. Roll you over and not look back. If I saw that you're a little tiny thing with no muscle, I would target you whenever I could to make you feel like you don't belong on the track. Derby is a mental game as much as a physical one. You keep getting hit hard, you get demoralized. If you keep putting people down, you get a boost.
Roller derby is a sport.
It is definitely, without a doubt in my mind, the sport for me.
I feel like I'm going to vomit.
This is unlike any other sport I've ever participated in, but in a good way. Unlike basketball or soccer, I give this my absolute all. You can't half-ass roller derby, because if you do you will be demolished. You can't sidle up to someone and expect them not to plow over you. You can't roll over to the other team and say "Hey, my back is killing me today, can you take it easy?" This is a sport where if the other team sees you have any type of athletic brace on to stabilize, say an ankle, they will target you over anyone else. If an opponent sees you're a little wisp of a girl, you will be hit hard.
I've never bouted, but if I was the opponent, and I saw you with an ankle brace on, or a scared look in your eye, I would demolish you. Roll you over and not look back. If I saw that you're a little tiny thing with no muscle, I would target you whenever I could to make you feel like you don't belong on the track. Derby is a mental game as much as a physical one. You keep getting hit hard, you get demoralized. If you keep putting people down, you get a boost.
Roller derby is a sport.
It is definitely, without a doubt in my mind, the sport for me.
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